Let’s first review Abraham Maslow’s theory of human needs.
Often depicted as a pyramid because Maslow initially suggested that we must satisfy our Physiological Needs first, following that order, our need for Safety. The need for Love and a Sense of Belonging, then the need for Self-esteem, and finally, actualization, in that order.
Maslow later clarified that the order in the hierarchy “is not nearly as rigid” as he originally implied.
For example, for some, the need for self-esteem could be more important than the need for Love. And for others, the need for creative fulfillment may supersede even the most Basic Needs.
So, we all have needs in common, but the order and importance are yours!
For these reasons, Cloé Madanes, a world-renowned innovator and teacher of family and strategic therapy, separated the Emotional areas from the Physical and reworked the needs into “The Six Human Needs.”
As Cloé explains, these are not “Desires”; these are actual “Psychological Needs” that we continually try to satisfy consciously and subconsciously.
Your needs influence your deepest motivations and determine how you prioritize your decisions and actions throughout your life.
If you try to meet those needs that are not in line with your values, you will experience conflict and discontent.
On the other hand, when you can align your needs with your highest values, you will feel more fulfilled and complete.
The Six Human Needs work in pairs – Certainty with Variety, Significance with Love & Connection, and Growth with Contribution.
The first two pairs are in constant search of balance. You feel you don’t have enough of the other if you have too much of one.
On the other hand, the Growth and Contribution needs can grow separately or with each other.
When the Need for Certainty / Comfort is Important to You
You want to feel secure, safe, and comfortable at all times, now and in the future.
Avoiding pain is critical to you.
You can’t be happy when uncertain about things.
A high need for Certainty/Comfort means striving to feel safe and secure.
You want predictability and a sense of Comfort, which gives you peace of mind and helps ward off stress, anxiety, and worry.
The need for Certainty is often characterized by the need to acquire short-term pleasure, irrelevant of whether it will lead to long-term pain.
When you strive to satisfy the need for Certainty, you might eat or drink alcohol excessively, smoke, or use recreational drugs.
Additionally, you might procrastinate or attempt to control others.
These behaviors provide you with a sense of Comfort in the present moment, but they could also potentially lead to pain in the long run.
The need for Certainty doesn’t have to end with negative consequences.
Certainty is sometimes necessary because it provides emotional stability and financial security.
When the Need for Uncertainty / Variety is Important to You
You believe happiness comes from many experiences and challenges that exercise your emotional, intellectual, or physical range.
Your emotional well-being requires Uncertainty, suspense, and surprise.
It would be best if you had the excitement that comes from variety.
The need for Uncertainty / Variety means that you are constantly striving for variety and change.
The combination makes life much more interesting, unpredictable, challenging, and fun. In your search for Uncertainty, you might decide to take risks or confront your fears to deal with conflict.
If you’re currently experiencing conflict, it could be due to your need for Uncertainty.
Your need for Uncertainty could be so strong that you’re purposefully looking for high-stress crises that create discomfort.
This might seem silly on the surface; however, the alternative is predictable, safe, secure, and dreary.
As with anything good, an oversupply of a good thing is always riddled with consequences.
And an excess of Uncertainty can often lead to higher levels of stress, worry, overwhelm, frustration, and fear.
This can very quickly get out of control. And as a result, you immediately turn to Certainty for Comfort, predictability, and security.
And so, the cycle goes on as you jump from one need to the next in succession.
How quickly or far you jump will depend on how you prioritize your needs.
When the Need for Significance is Important to You
You believe happiness comes from feeling respected and essential.
It would be best to consider you unique and special.
You need people to look up to you and even fear you to a certain extent.
The need for Significance means continually striving to feel important, memorable, unique, and worthy.
You have all these goals you would like to achieve, so many incredible skills you would like to develop, and a respected status you would like to pursue.
All this provides Significance and a sense of accomplishment.
When you gain Significance compared to others, you reach a stage where you feel more important and worthy.
You feel more significant when achieving something, building something, and learning something, or sometimes by tearing other people down.
The need for Significance can help you achieve more, do more, and become the person you desire to be.
All professional athletes would probably admit that the need for Significance is a big part of their careers.
It’s perhaps one of the most important influential factors in every decision they make.
Conversely, the need for Significance can be used for evil purposes.
For instance, it can hurt people or gain an unfair advantage.
Take, for example, a bully. A bully bullies other people to feel important, significant, and worthy.
We must accept that we live alongside others when everything is said and done.
Society is built upon relationships, connection, mutual respect, and Love.
This is important because too much Significance can lead to separation anxiety and loneliness.
When the Need for Love / Connection is Important to You
To feel worthy, you must love and be loved.
It would be best to have meaningful connections with people.
You’re worthless if you’re not loved and can’t give your Love.
The need for Love / Connection means continually striving to connect and build strong social bonds and relationships with others.
This is the main reason why we get married, why we attend church gatherings, why we spend time in nature, why we gather at clubs, and why some people choose to join gangs.
It’s all because of a need to feel connected to other people. No longer do we want to feel significant.
Instead, connections with other people help us avoid bouts of depression and loneliness.
However, ironically, the deeper we connect with others, the more susceptible we fall prey to criticism and rejection.
And when you put Love / Connection above all other human needs, you might often do it at the expense of adventure and variety.
Say, for instance, you find your soul mate, you get married, and because you value connection above all else, you no longer take risks, play sports, and pursue adventure.
Suddenly, your priority levels have shifted, and you no longer seek Uncertainty.
Instead, you might now value connection and even Certainty above all else.
Now, consider how an oversupply of the need for Love / Connection can lead to a loss of identity.
With this loss comes the need to feel important, unique, and worthy. And as such, your relationships with other people start to break apart.
When the Need for Growth is Important to You
You need to constantly develop new skills, learn new things and improve what you already know.
You must set yourself up physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.
You need to be constantly growing.
The need for Growth means continually striving to learn new skills, gather knowledge, and grow.
You have this picture of yourself in the future — of how you desire to be. And your need for Growth pushes you to reach for that ideal self.
So when the need for Growth is at its highest, you continuously strive to grow emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, and intellectually.
Growth is a crucial aspect of life. If you’re not growing, you’re making no real progress.
However, Growth isn’t necessarily about learning a new skill or reading a good book.
It’s more about the time you put into self-reflection.
Moreover, it’s about your mindful approach to understanding the consequences of your daily decisions, choices, and actions.
The need for Growth isn’t a primary need.
This means it’s not a need everyone from all walks of life strives to fulfill.
However, it’s an essential need because, without Growth, there is a lack — of dissatisfaction.
Without Growth, your life may even feel as though it’s stagnating.
On the surface, you may be fulfilling the four primary needs:
You’re comfortable
You experience some uncertainty
You feel significant
You also satisfy your need for connection
However, if you’re not growing and evolving psychologically, you feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled and don’t know why.
When the Need for Contribution is Important to You
Life is incomplete without the sense that one contributes to others or a cause.
You must go beyond your needs and give to others.
You want to give back and leave a mark on the world.
The need for Contribution means living out your life’s purpose and providing value to others that go well beyond your needs, desires, and wants.
You are primarily living for a higher purpose — for something greater than yourself that can potentially last a lifetime and beyond.
The need for Contribution stems from our need to share ourselves, help others, and add value to their lives.
It’s about making a difference to individuals, the community, society, and the world.
This doesn’t mean that all of us will significantly change the world.
Instead, it means we work on something that gives life more significant meaning and purpose.
So, whether your acts of kindness help change one life or many lives makes no difference.
Instead, it’s all about the intention behind the work that matters.
To satisfy the need for Contribution, you might volunteer your time to a cause, a charity, or a community project.
Alternatively, you might fulfill this need by helping someone solve a problem or, maybe, by teaching a class at a local community center.
It doesn’t matter what you do as long as what you do provides you with a sense of fulfillment that you are doing something greater than yourself.
