Self-regulation
Behaviorally, self-regulation is the ability to act in your long-term best interest, consistent with your deepest values.
Violating one's deepest values causes guilt, shame, and anxiety, undermining well-being.
Emotionally, self-regulation is the ability to calm yourself down when you're upset and cheer yourself up when you're down.
Self-regulation is mainly about controlling your emotions and responses to situations and other people.
But it's also about feeling and expressing positive emotions to others.
Some of the abilities (also known as competencies) that are part of self-management are
- Emotional self-control – controlling impulsive emotions
- Trustworthiness – being honest and taking action that is in line with your values
- Flexibility – being able to adapt and work with different people in different situations
- Optimism – the ability to see opportunities in situations and the good in other people
- Achievement – developing your performance to meet your standards of excellence
- Initiative – taking action when it is necessary
Your ability to self-regulate as an adult has roots in your development during childhood.
Learning how to self-regulate is an essential skill that children learn both for emotional maturity and later social connections.
In an ideal situation, a toddler who throws tantrums grows into a child who learns how to tolerate uncomfortable feelings without throwing a fit and later into an adult who can control impulses to act based on an awkward environment's textures.